How I’m Learning To Trust My Gut
I didn’t realize that last week I wrote about speaking from the heart, and now, I am writing about learning to trust my gut. I swear this wasn’t premeditated!
But, the fact that these came back to back triggers one of those, “Oh my God, these must be important lessons for me to learn at this time!” I often say that when I get similarly themed messages in a variety of different ways in a short period of time “the universe is beating me over the head with a stick.”
And I don’t mean that violently; it’s just the metaphor that resonates most. It’s like, “Hey! Hey you, yes you Drew, you really need to learn this lesson right now, and I’m going to keep badgering you till you learn it.”
Since we just dove into speaking from the heart last week, here’s a little bit about how that contrasts with trusting the gut. As I aspire to do with all my writing going forward, I’m trying to share my experience. If it resonates with you, cool. If not, that’s cool too.
Think of speaking from the heart as more of a qualitative “how,” like a way of being. The gut is more of a binary “yes” or “no,” “go” or “no go.” Once the gut tells me if something is a “yes” or a “no,” I can use my heart to communicate that “yes” or “no” to myself and others.
Again, I think that part of the confusion around such a simple phrase as “trust your gut” is not due to the fact that the phrase is confusing. After all, it’s pretty basic. I think it’s due to the fact that we have become confused, so disembodied that learning to listen to our bodies is like learning a new language. And, any good polyglot knows that learning a new language is generally easier for kids than adults.
How My Gut Talks To Me
My gut gives me quick hits of “yes” and “no.” The more I ignore my gut, the stronger it signals me. In extreme cases, this causes dis-ease. It involves fighting against a natural way of being.
If my gut says “yes,” I feel at peace and often, a sort of joyful lightness.
If my gut says “no,” I often feel heaviness. Maybe some nausea, panic, or un-ease.
But, what about times when the situation isn’t clear?
In these cases, more inquiry may be needed.
For example, you’ve likely heard of the idea to “sleep on it” when making a big decision. But, when it comes to trusting my gut, this technique only works for things that I initially got a hit of “yes” for. If I have a “yes” to buying a new car for example, sleeping on it can allow me to embody the feeling of what it’s like to have that car before acting on that decision.
But if my gut gives me a hit of “no,” sleeping on it doesn’t do a damn thing. I have never encountered a situation where sleeping on an idea that felt bad initially made the idea feel better after waking up the next day.
What About When My Gut Says “Maybe”?
A “maybe” from my gut usually means “no” to the present set of circumstances, but a “yes” if adjustments are made.
In these cases, I can ask myself, “What would make me feel comfortable to move forward on this?”
Moving forward should not involve any gaslighting of myself or my experience. Rather, the idea is to give myself a better understanding of what is truly important to me. Here’s a recent example from my life of how this played out.
I’m working with a growth marketing firm, and they proposed a shift in how I operate. Part of me felt good, part of me felt not so good. In their model, “success” meant lowering my prices, and even if total revenue shot through the roof, my energy level would be relegated to the basement. I’d be pooped, wiped out.
So I got curious about it.
What was I afraid of? Where was the resistance? Well, my gut was telling me that if I got a bunch of sales, I’d have a ton of money, but I’d be emotionally and physically drained. On top of that, I’d likely be beyond my capacity. This would create burn out, which would in turn cause me to provide a shitty level of service, which would then bring the house down.
But, then the question above popped up, ”What would make me feel comfortable to move forward on this?” Or, “What would I be willing to do?”
Here I found a deeper truth. And when I say truth, I’m not referring to objective reality. Just like an archer can let an arrow fly and we say the shot “rang true,” I interpret that to mean that the shot went where the archer wanted it to go. So the question for me was, “What would help me get to where I want to go? Where do I want to go?”
While I do enjoy coaching, I actually get more energy from my creative work and experiences. The coaching acts as an enabling mechanism, a sort of means to an end. I realized that I’d be much more comfortable serving a few high-end clients rather than many low-end clients. Think of it like 10 people at $1,000 rather than 1,000 people at $10 each. I pushed back on the agency’s initial offer, and am going back and forth till we get something that feels right for both of us. For the record, that process is ongoing at time of writing.
Other times, when my gut says “no” it doesn’t mean “never,” it just means, “not now.” Remember, life is always happening in the present.
The goal of getting curious and asking myself what would make me feel comfortable is not to rationalize anything. It isn’t about changing a “no” into a “yes.” It’s about self-connecting to calibrate my own sense of willingness. The “right” answer is the one that feels right in the gut. The gut may say “yes,” or it may say “no.”
In fact, rationalizing can be a pitfall. For example, common wisdom says that if you rent somewhere, you should get a lease agreement. Lease agreements help make sure both parties act a certain way. But, my experience proves otherwise. One of the best places I lived at, we relied upon handshake agreements and roommate interviews. Meanwhile, another one had a lengthy lease agreement, and we had tons of issues.
If someone is determined to screw you, they will find a way. If something feels off in the gut, it’s generally off. If something feels right, I’ll sleep on it and notice if anything comes up. If nothing comes up, I’ll usually go for it.
Other times, a “maybe” may manifest in the form of confusion. Not right or wrong, but not knowing what a word means. To circle back to the growth marketing company example, they recently said we’d be using a “partnership system.” I have no clue what that means or entails, so I can’t say “yes” or “no.” The action I took involved asking, “What does this mean?” It’s okay to not know things. It’s okay to be confused, and investigate.
But, if my gut gets that feeling of curiosity and the other party says something like, “Don’t worry about it,” that’s a huge red flag! Who said I’m worrying? Is there no room for curiosity? There’s no such thing as a bad question in these instances.
However, if I find myself asking tons of questions, it may mean that I’m back to a place of rationalizing — out of the gut and into the head.
In these situations, what has helped me most is to commit to not deciding — which is equivalent to saying no right now. Not taking a night to sleep on it, but instead committing to a longer investigation. Or, I may commit to a bite-sized decision, like a trial period. Trial periods move things out of the hypothetical realm and into reality. The most common version of this is “try before you buy.” Sometimes, I can’t truly know what something is like until I’ve done it.
Other times, I am excited to do something but have some concern about something going wrong. The book, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, can be a good resource for these situations. It gives a variety of tips and tricks for what to do when something seems like the right idea despite being afraid. Driving a car is a common example of feeling the fear and taking action anyway. Bad drivers are everywhere, and it makes total sense to worry about them. However, I drive anyway, and I can use my gut as an indicator to come up with alternatives or plans of action in case something goes wrong, like getting insurance or having a backup plan.
Additionally, all the feedback in my gut can be between me and me–I don’t have to tell anyone else about it. I used to fall into traps — and sometimes still do — because I have a hard time articulating (with words) why something may not feel right. The best antidote I’ve found is to avoid attempting to justify my choices. If I’m not ready, then I’m not ready. Just because I can’t give you a dissertation about my own readiness doesn’t mean my gut is wrong or doesn’t count.
To circle back and tie the gut and heart together, the gut will give me a “go” or “no go” answer, and the heart helps me to outwardly express the sentiments. They work best as a team, not in isolation. My job isn’t to force the gut or the heart to do anything; rather, the task is to cultivate an awareness of what they are trying to tell me. They are always telling me things, but I must be willing to listen.
Drew
